His Sudden yet not Sporadic Leading

“God’s leading is never sporadic but sometimes sudden.” This was advice I received from my uncle a few weeks ago, advice that perfectly describes what has recently happened in my life.

      At the beginning of the summer, I did a visit to Southern Seminary in Louisville, KY to explore some options. For the past few years the Lord has given me a desire to study Biblical counseling, so my mom accompanied me on a “research” trip. Everything went much better than I expected. The Lord showed me once again that singleness is a gift in this season and enables me to follow Him in some unique ways. My mom and I both thought that in a year Southern would be a great place for me to study and learn. God was most definitely listening to our prayers, but His answer was completely different than I anticipated. 

      Almost three weeks ago I was contacted by a pastor from Cornerstone Church in Ames. He received my name from Mark Vance (now director of Salt Company at ISU). The church was in search of a woman to help lead IFC. IFC stands for International Fellowship Connection- it is the church’s outreach ministry to international students at ISU. IFC has many college leaders that are a part of both ISU and Cornerstone. The IFC woman’s leader would be in charge of discipling those college girls as well as helping model evangelism with them to try and reach internationals for Christ. 

   Another ministry the church has is a school of theology with classes accredited by Midwestern Seminary. To make a long story short, this opportunity would allow me  to serve in ministry capacities the Lord has burdened my heart for and to study simultaneously.

    Initially, I thought the ministry was great but the timing was off. Even though I had started to research some graduate programs, I was excited to spend another year with my students- they have had such a big part of my life this past two and a half years. I almost didn’t go to the meeting because  I had no desire to leave my students. Yet Mark Vance was my former pastor, a man of God I greatly respect, so I told the church I would at least come and listen. After I listened, though I was intrigued by the ministry, I stopped. I had signed a contract which I take seriously. However, God had worked it out that the day I met with the men from Cornerstone, I already had planned a meeting with Jahna (my principal) for later that day. When I met with her, I was honest and transparent, not knowing what to think of what was going on- so much had happened in 36 hours. She listening and graciously told me how excited she was for me, that she wasn’t going to “get in the way” if this was God moving me. 

    I was surprised, encouraged, and terrified. At that point, I knew it was something I at least needed to pray through. The next day I was able to communicate with my pastor for counsel. He had some good and hard words to say-  he brought out some character flaws of mine from the last few years, and he challenged me to get alone with the Lord and truly search out God’s Word. I am so thankful for his rebuke and challenge -God used it to bring the Word to life in a deeper way. I headed out to Wisconsin to visit family the next day, and I soon learned God had much more in store for me during this trip than I had planned. 

    In the five days I was away, each morning I had a long period of time alone with the Lord ( the beautiful sunrise picture was from an early morning walk). Through a lot of prayer, searching, asking the Lord for direction through His word, He made it clear: He had a new chapter for me.

Side note: If you would like to know the passages/lessons God taught me, please contact and let me know. I would be happy to share, but didn’t want to write a novel!

  

This past Monday I started as a full-time staff member at Cornerstone. The last few weeks have indeed been a whirlwind, however, I am so excited, thankful (and a little scared) about this ministry and would truly covet your prayers. I will be in transition from Saylorville to Cornerstone and speaking at an event at DMCS this month, so there are lots of goodbyes and changes to come. This part is always bittersweet, but I am so thankful to all the people God has used to challenge and encourage me in my walk with Him through these years. God has truly done what He promised in His word:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

          I will counsel you with my eye upon you.  

Psalm 32:8

Not a Rookie Anymore

This Fall I will begin my 5th year of teaching. Usually when I tell people that they  look at me and ask  how old I am. I think the fact that I am 25 and single  causes people to think I am younger than I am (and graduating high school a year early probably didn’t help). But even though this will be year 5, it will be the very first time that I am not a “first year” teacher. My work experience has been varied and ever changing. In four years I have worked in four different positions, at three different schools, and in two different countries. That’s  exactly what college professors tell you NOT to do. I never planned on things turning out like this, but I guess I didn’t have a specific plan after college. Instead of being a five year plan kind of girl, I can be somewhat of a dreamer with too many ideas, (I blame my dad for that trait :)

As I look back at life post-college, I can honestly say that I am more excited about the future than when I first graduated. Why? Well, I think it’s a mix of a few things.

For one, I have learned to love the unexpected. Teaching elementary students  or moving to Ecuador were never things I planned on, but God taught me so much through those times. I learned to laugh at my mistakes with my dear fourth graders, and my passion for Spanish and missions grew in a very genuine way as I lived in Ecuador. The friends and the experiences of those times have formed the life I hope to live for the sake of the Kingdom.

Another reason is that I’ve learned to enjoy alone time/independence. I have not mastered this by any means, but I sincerely enjoy the times I can go to a coffee shop on my own to read and write or work. God has clearly allowed for this time, although I know that I have wasted some of it by simply focusing on myself. By God’s grace, He put family and friends in my life to  tell me when I was being too self focused – and they were usually right. That leads to another reason these years have been a blessing…

People!! I have had the opportunity to meet, serve and get involved in the lives of so many people these last four years. Being single opens up a lot of doors to serve. I know there are more opportunities I could have taken, but learning from people in all stages of life has been an encouragement and challenge. Friendships have deepened because of the struggles and the liberties this time has allowed. 

As I start this fifth year, my circumstances haven’t changed dramatically(besides the fact that I teach Spanish now instead of English). Am I still a teacher? Yes. Am I still single? Yes. Do I know where life is headed? Nope. Those are the same answers you would have heard from me four years ago. However, by God’s grace and patience in my life, I am much more content giving those answers. For now, God wants me to teach Spanish.  I will continue to do that until God makes it clear that I should do something else. Oh sure, I have many ideas of what that could be: missions, going back to school for counseling, a family, and so on. However, God knows best. He will do what is best. My heart is not so much concerned with the “where” or “when”. My prayer is that I know my heavenly Father better and serve His kingdom. I have much to learn, and fall short of having the right perspective more often than I realize, but thankfully God doesn’t stop teaching me (Philippians 1:6).

I’m not sure what this next year will hold, but I’m excited for the unknown.

 “The Lord is good to all, and His mercy is over all He has made.”

                                                          Psalm 145:9

The Next Step

Almost a year ago I was preparing to head to Ecuador. I was excited and nervous for the adventure that was ahead of me. I was sure of God’s hand and was thrilled to follow Him back to a place that will always have a special place in my heart.

At present, I am back in Iowa. That’s not what I had planned. I was ready to stay in Ecuador the rest of my life if God wanted. I don’t doubt that God wanted me there, but His plan was different than what I expected. 

Now, after two and half months of being back, I am floored and thankful for how God has directed. Again, things haven’t turned out how I expected, but I truly see them as being better than what I could have imagined. How ?

When I arrived back in Iowa, God had provided a long term substitute teaching position at a local Christian school. The Spanish teacher had to leave for health reasons, so I had the privilege of teaching Espanol ! Obviously, I had spent the last 9 months speaking spanish as a part of daily life, but I had never had the opportunity to teach Spanish in a high school setting. And do you know what? I absolutely loved it! I was honestly taken back by how much I enjoyed it. I looked forward to going to work everyday, and I loved the opportunity to communicate to my students the beauties of Spanish and how the culture and language connected. 

However, I had been planning on going back to school. Even as I was looking at different possibilities, another ministry opportunity of teaching overseas presented itself as well. Needless to say, I got a little overwhelmed with all the things I could do. I spent a lot of time praying and thinking and writing… decision makings has never been my strong point, so I was asking the Lord for a lot of wisdom.

My dad’s life has been a constant example- his life is devoted to making disciples. That’s what my heart’s desire is to do, to make disciples. As I was thinking about this, I realized that where I feel like I communicate most clearly, where I can most strongly connect ideas to the Gospel, is the classroom. I know that’s not for everybody, but for me, things just click in a classroom. I love spending my days with high school students, and it’s not just teaching them Spanish. It’s getting to know them, it’s watching them be amazed at the differences in culture, it’s watching them try to scare me in the middle of class and laughing at my reaction, it’s listening to them asking me questions about things that transcend the classroom, it’s investing in their lives.

Sometimes I make things more complicated than they need to be- my mom  graciously reminds me of that. If God has given me a ministry I enjoy doing, it’s ok to enjoy it! I know that sounds elementary, but without realizing it, sometimes I connect going overseas with the more spiritual decision. That’s not right. The Lord knows my heart, and He knows that I am willing to go when He wants. But there are a lot of young hearts here in Iowa that need encouragement too. 

I met with my Pastor too, to get his counsel about the future. He told me it’s clear God has given me a joy in teaching, so that’s what I should invest in doing. That helped rule out going back to school. I haven’t given up studying counseling. I have discovered there are different ways I can study to get a certification in Biblical counseling that don’t entail going back to school full time. 

Literally 5 minutes after I got home from talking with my pastor, I received a call from the school I was subbing at asking if I would be a full-time Spanish teacher there next fall. I laughed out loud! God was making His direction clear. 

As you can probably guess by now, I have decided to stay in Iowa and become a full time Spanish teacher. I couldn’t be happier! God has done this, has brought this about in the life He has given me, and I am looking forward to this next chapter. 

 O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.

The young lions lack food and suffer hunger, but they who seek (inquire of and require) the Lord [by right of their need and on the authority of His Word], none of them shall lack any beneficial thing.

Psalm 34:9-10

Stage : Intermission

Two weeks. I have been in the US for two weeks now. Can that even be possible? It seems like an eternity ago that I left Cuenca, but changing cultures can have that effect. 

My last few weeks in Cuenca were...well somewhat dramatic. God has definitely been shaping my character through friendships and ministry there, and though sometimes I found myself in quite perplexing situations, I would not change any of it. I saw more of my sinful heart in my responses, but I was once again astounded by the grace my Father would show to me. 

The last week I was able to spend time with people, but not as much as I would have liked. I will get to that in a second, but I do want to share a praise. I was able to have one last long visit with my friend Mercy ( an Ecuadorian friend I had been studying the Bible with). We did have a good conversation about salvation. She understands what it is, and she knows she doesn’t have it. Selfishly I would have liked to see her trust Christ before I left, but I am thankful for the opportunity God gave me, and I hope and pray she will bow the knee shortly. 

I was also able to share my testimony with two co-workers. I don’t know how open their hearts were, but they listened, and for that I am thankful too. 

Then, four days before I was to leave, I got sick. Whatever it was, this sickness was a pretty nasty virus. I lost all energy. I tried to continue to see people, but it wasn’t working very well. I went home early one night to sleep, only to wake up with terrible chills, and then a fever, and then… the worst part. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and fainted-probably from dehydration. As I fell, I managed to hit my head on something, which then caused my head to start bleeding. I didn’t have a car, and I didn’t have any minutes left on my phone because I had cancelled my plan, so it actually took a while for a friend to come and pick me up to take me to the hospital. Praise God the cut wasn’t too deep, and I didn’t even need stitches. The ER in Cuenca is actually pretty nice, although they gave me an injection of something that I never quite figured out what it was...needless to say, I slept the rest of the day, and a good portion of the next day.  I had to rest because I had my going away party coming up.

My friend Andres found it necessary to take a pic at the ER

I must say that Ecuadorians know how to give going away parties. They invite as many people as they can, and they have some silly games, and then music of course- they serenade you with  songs.Serenading is by far one of my favorite things about their culture. And then you just spend time talking and reminiscing with friends. 

 My friend Mercy 

Matt, Julia, and I at the going away party 

Before I knew it, the time had come for me to board the plane. I knew that’s what God wanted, but there was a part of my heart wondering when and if I would be coming back. 

Goodbyes at the airport 

My Ecuadorian brothers I've known since I was a kid

When I got back to Iowa, I slept A LOT. The mix of being sick physically and the emotional stress of leaving...wore me out.  My family and friends were patient and understanding with me as I started to readjust. My culture shock hits me when I come back to the US. 

The last two weeks I have been able to rest and to see the dear family and friends God has blessed me with, but as I see people, an obvious question is “What’s next?”

In a week or two I will do some subbing at a local Christian school for Spanish. Then, God placed it on my heart to study, and that is what I am seeking out right now. However, it’s harder than I thought. Why? Well, a lot of change has happened in my life as of late, and I am having a hard time processing everything. I am incredibly thankful for the time God gave me in Cuenca, but it didn’t turn out how I thought. It didn’t turn out how I thought because...well I am home already. I was so excited and hopeful for my time in Ecuador, and thought it might be something permanent. God showed me differently. I am in the process of learning to trust His hand. 

Because things turned out differently, I realized there’s a part of my heart that is hesitant to get excited or hopeful about the future. The unknown tends to, well, for lack of a better term, freak me out. 

Then the Lord challenged me in my time with Him- is my heart to be set on this world? The answer is a resounding NO. My hope is to be in HIM, in the joy that I get to walk with Him now through this life and motivated by the hope that one day I get to be with Him face to face when this life has faded. I just wish I was better at remembering that instead of just agreeing with that.

What’s next? I can’t tell you exactly because I don’t even know exactly. God is showing me that’s ok. He’s still on His throne, and as long as I spend time daily sitting at His feet, I will be ok with that too. 

Jerusalem—the mountains surround her.

And the Lord surrounds His people,

both now and forever.

Psalm 125:2

The Shepherd's Leading

“As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me…” Gen.24:27

My pastor posted this verse today, and over the past year this verse has become reality in my life. 

A year ago I was contemplating and praying through the decision to come to Ecuador. I was scared because I had never made such a big decision in my life, but God was faithful and patient with me- He constantly put confirmations in my path to let me know He wanted me in Ecuador. 

When the time to leave came, I was truly thrilled. I felt so privileged that God had called me back to Ecuador, the place where He started to form my heart for Him years ago. I looked forward to the opportunities God had awaiting me. I was clueless to what life would look like, but the Lord had led me, so I followed.

That was over 8 months ago… so much has happened and changed; I don’t quite feel like the same person. I am thankful for the godly family and church God placed me in back home, but when I ventured out on my own, I was tested in ways I never saw coming. Loneliness wasn’t the main factor, although that was a struggle at times, but learning to rely on the Lord without that support drew me closer to God in a way I can’t express. My prayers became more transparent  and messy than ever, as I was faced with many new and complicated situations. I learned a messy and confused heart was not wrong as long as I was taking that before the Lord. I didn’t always get clarity right away, but I learned to rest in my Father's presence in the midst of the chaos.

I had all these ideas in my head of how God might want to use me here, whether that was with at teaching ministry or church ministry. I was able to serve in both venues, but maybe not as big of a role that I was picturing. Often my time was divided between ministry and teaching, which was frustrating to me ; it’s possible that God could want me in full time ministry someday, or He was just allowing that struggle to see if I would be faithful where He placed me.  Now, when I feel like I am just starting to get the swing of things, God has called me to return home. Why? Specifically I can’t tell you why (last post explains how I came to the decision to move home). By God’s grace I don’t doubt that is what He wants me to do, but at first I must admit my heart was crushed. God has guided and opened up so many doors for me to come here. I love Ecuador with all my heart, and I thought I saw so many possibilities for the future. I thought my time here would be longer, and to be honest , in my heart I purposed I would live here on a permanent basis if that’s what God wanted- there was definitely part of me that wanted that to be true. 

Yet at the age of 23 I am just scratching the surface of knowing what it means to follow God. I think He purposefully gives me situations that are complex and befuddling so I learn to trust Him and not my own judgment -which is a great sanctification process in my life as I tend to struggle with perfectionism and relying on my own understanding.  

In a little less than a month, I will be back in Iowa to start the new chapter God has for me. Will I ever come back to Ecuador on a permanent basis? Although my heart is sincerely open to that, I don’t have a clue. Making plans is wise and even Biblical, but I am learning at the end of the day, my hope has to be in God, not the plan. He knows my heart, and through the heartache and mystery of it all, I trust He will work in ways far better than I could imagine. 

20 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— 21 to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

The Unexpected

“The more you follow and trust God, the more your life seems to fall apart.” That was a thought from a message my mom had me listen to from Tim Keller the other week. Oh how that feels true in my life right now. 

 I haven’t written for a while...God has been at work, but I knew until a decision was made I couldn’t write honestly about what was going on in Ecuador. Now the time has come to share what God has been teaching me. 

Back in November I shared how my friend Julia had to return to Northern Ireland for medical reasons. The day she left was hard, but it was through praying through everything that occurred that God challenged my heart with this thought: “Would you go home if I asked you to?” I had to come to grips with the truth that God has every right to change my path in life, whether I understand it or not. I prayed that God would give me a soft heart for what He wanted.

Well then life got busy with Thanksgiving and work and Christmas-which was a huge blessing by the way. Having my sister and friend Rosina here was such a gift! It was during their time here that God challenged my heart once again. 

I had to go to Quito to pick them up, and during this time I had some very good talks with my dear friend and sister-in-Christ Cris. She had expressed to me a desire about studying this year. Through this conversation God started to bring things to light that I had seen only hints off over the years. 

One of the things I have always enjoyed about teaching has been the counseling/discipleship aspect. However, this past year was the first year that I had a secular teaching job. Though God gave different ways to share the Gospel, I greatly missed the ministry of teaching I once knew. I would pray about that when the Lord brought it to mind, and these past 7 months I have seen how the Lord has increased my desire to serve in a more full-time ministry capacity. I had certain ideas of how that might take fruition, but God did not give any clarity for a while. 

When I had that conversation with Cris, the Spirit brought it to the forefront of my mind to study again, specifically in the area of Biblical counseling. Yet at first, I didn’t even really want to pray about it. The timing didn’t make sense to me, and I didn’t want to leave Ecuador, but God continued to prod my heart. 

My sister Liz and I had some good conversations too, and she also shares the desire to study Biblical counseling. I was thankful she was here to talk through a lot of things that were happening in life-God’s timing truly is perfect. 

Then, after Liz left, the time came to go back to work. However, things again took an unexpected twist. Because of some decisions the school made, attendance went down 40% while more teachers had been hired for the cycle. Needless to say, everyone was low on the hours they had for work. I wondered if God was using this to give me some more direction. 

As I started to pray more specifically about the future, a school from back home emailed me about my future plans to see if I would be available to help sub long term later in the spring (no specific information to add to that at present). The fact that the school  sought me out definitely caught my attention. I also talked to my current boss, and she made it clear that she was ok if I left the school sooner than planned. I started to see that God was changing the path I thought I was on...and it was not an easy thing for me to come to terms with. 

Let’s just say I have had a lot of tearful prayers as of late, but I have also been trying to spend a good amount of time in God’s word.  Here's a verse that struck my heart as I was praying. Its from Matthew chapter 19 discussing the parable of the vineyard workers. "Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?" It's one of those times you kind of put your hand over your mouth.

Through other passages God continued to direct, to show me where He wanted me. I saw His leading, I just didn’t understand it.

To keep from writing an extremely long post, I will get to the point (as you can probably guess). 

I am coming home.

The idea is to come home and work to save some money, and then Lord willing study in the fall to get a masters in Biblical counseling. When will this happen? Pretty soon actually. I leave Ecuador March 19.

Oh how it stings to say those words. 

I don’t doubt God’s leading, but I must say it’s hard to follow. A huge part of my heart doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time, I want my life to fully be the Lord’s. 

I had to share with people here this past week that I am leaving...it’s been a rough a week. A sad heart is not a sin, although I don’t want to stay sad. There is a part of me that looks forward to what God has in store, but right now my heart is heavy. I love the people and culture here so much...why God is orchestrating things in this way, I have no idea, but He is good. 

I have more I could write, but I think I will save that for another day. 

I would appreciate your prayers as I walk through all of these changes. 

For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is trustworthy. 

Psalms 33:4 

Thoughts to Ponder

Currently I am sitting at my friend’s dining room table in Quito. I have a feeling the next couple of weeks will be pretty crazy, so I wanted to give you an update on life lately.

It’s officially been 6 months since I left home-hard for me to believe. As I look back, a lot has happened, and it’s hard to pen words to what God has taught me. First, I will catch up on a few stories in life, and then I will get back to this thought.

I officially finished my first cycle of teaching!  I was pretty excited last Saturday night to send in all of my grades and be done! I don’t go back until January 7^th, so I am looking forward to the break. In the area of teaching, well I must say that’s been an adjustment too. My first two years of teaching I was able to pray and talk about spiritual applications all the time. I miss that. However, this way of teaching provides opportunities of different kinds. Although not many of my students have come to church, here and there God provides small ways to share the Gospel , for which I am thankful. Still, I miss the discipleship and ministry of teaching, and to be honest I am not sure what that means. I am trying to note and observe what God is showing me, but I am not always sure how to piece things together.

On a practical note, I have to move again. I have been living with a couple from church the last few months, and they have been very gracious to let me stay with them. A little bit ago they decided to move to a smaller place to simplify life, and I completely understand that. I started looking a little while ago, and at first I only got closed doors. Yet, God pointed me to an apartment, and I am thankful for His direction. For now, I will be living by myself, but I am praying for a roommate if that would please the Lord. God knows the details, and I can trust that He will do what is best.

I have mentioned a few times a girl named Mercy. I have been praying for her, although not as faithfully as I should be. By God’s grace conversations have increased and she told me she would do my Dad’s Bible study with me. She even asked me where she could buy a Bible¡ I gladly went out and bought her a Bible, and last Thursday we did the first study. I can see God’s Spirit moving in her heart, and I am thrilled to see what’s going to happen. It’s nothing of my abilities to be sure, and I was definitely nervous doing everything in Spanish, but God was faithful. As we were doing the study, the Spirit guided and encouraged and reminded me THIS is why I am here. I am not technically a missionary, but my dad taught me the heart of being a missionary. There’s a joy in truly sharing the Gospel with someone who is hungry for truth…a joy I can’t compare to anything else. I understand now why my dad is out almost every night sharing and sowing seeds.

On the topic of my dad, the Lord reminded me of a few other things through his example. Right now I am visiting a dear couple in Quito, George and Cris, and George use to go to my dad’s church in Cuenca. George is now in charge of the youth group at his church in Quito, and last night he put on a big event. He created an Oscar themed event where the teens could dress up, walk on a red carpet, and then receive nominations and awards from things over the years. As I watched the event unfold, I saw the fruits of my dad’s labor. My dad may be back in the States now, but his ministry still continues in Ecuador. Why? Because he made disciples. That’s what I hope can be said of me, however long God has me on this earth, that I made disciples for Christ in a way that clearly points back to Him. I am not concerned if people remember me or not, but I pray that I submit to Christ so that He can use my life in such a way.

I guess that ties into what God has been teaching me the past 6 months. I don’t think life every turns out exactly how we think or plan in our heads, which is good because it helps us see the work of God in our lives.  Being as it’s been 6 months since I have been gone, and I originally said I would be gone a year, the questions of my future plans has been a frequent topic. To be completely frank with you, I have no idea. My visa is good until May, but I would have to look into renewing it in March if I want to stay longer. My prayer is that God gives me clear reasons to stay or to go. Right now I just have a bunch of thoughts and questions in my head. If I stay, would I stay with the same job? Would I look for a different job? If I went home, what would I do? Would I try and do some more studies? I get a little lost in all of those questions sometimes. But at the end of the day, when God makes it clear to me what He wants, that I will do, whether I fully understand it or not. Why? Because He is my Shepherd and Protector. Those are two characteristics of God that I have come to know better in the last 6 months. God has protected me and guided in countless days. He’s provided places to live, sufficient money for what is needed, a church where I can serve and be encouraged and challenged, godly friends who give biblical counsel, and a lot more. These things push me to keep following what HE puts in my path, knowing that He has thought and planned everything out already.

This is kind of a mezcla (mix) of thoughts. I wrote that Spanish word without thinking about it, but then I figured I would translate. I do a lot of Spanglish these days. My list of unknowns continues, that is true; but they are only unknowns to me. God has it under control. What I do know is that my sister and dear friend Rosina are on a plane right now to come visit me! I am so thankful they are coming, and I want to enjoy the time God has given me with them. God will show me what I need to know when He sees fit.

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

 Psalm 40:1