The Next Step

Almost a year ago I was preparing to head to Ecuador. I was excited and nervous for the adventure that was ahead of me. I was sure of God’s hand and was thrilled to follow Him back to a place that will always have a special place in my heart.

At present, I am back in Iowa. That’s not what I had planned. I was ready to stay in Ecuador the rest of my life if God wanted. I don’t doubt that God wanted me there, but His plan was different than what I expected. 

Now, after two and half months of being back, I am floored and thankful for how God has directed. Again, things haven’t turned out how I expected, but I truly see them as being better than what I could have imagined. How ?

When I arrived back in Iowa, God had provided a long term substitute teaching position at a local Christian school. The Spanish teacher had to leave for health reasons, so I had the privilege of teaching Espanol ! Obviously, I had spent the last 9 months speaking spanish as a part of daily life, but I had never had the opportunity to teach Spanish in a high school setting. And do you know what? I absolutely loved it! I was honestly taken back by how much I enjoyed it. I looked forward to going to work everyday, and I loved the opportunity to communicate to my students the beauties of Spanish and how the culture and language connected. 

However, I had been planning on going back to school. Even as I was looking at different possibilities, another ministry opportunity of teaching overseas presented itself as well. Needless to say, I got a little overwhelmed with all the things I could do. I spent a lot of time praying and thinking and writing… decision makings has never been my strong point, so I was asking the Lord for a lot of wisdom.

My dad’s life has been a constant example- his life is devoted to making disciples. That’s what my heart’s desire is to do, to make disciples. As I was thinking about this, I realized that where I feel like I communicate most clearly, where I can most strongly connect ideas to the Gospel, is the classroom. I know that’s not for everybody, but for me, things just click in a classroom. I love spending my days with high school students, and it’s not just teaching them Spanish. It’s getting to know them, it’s watching them be amazed at the differences in culture, it’s watching them try to scare me in the middle of class and laughing at my reaction, it’s listening to them asking me questions about things that transcend the classroom, it’s investing in their lives.

Sometimes I make things more complicated than they need to be- my mom  graciously reminds me of that. If God has given me a ministry I enjoy doing, it’s ok to enjoy it! I know that sounds elementary, but without realizing it, sometimes I connect going overseas with the more spiritual decision. That’s not right. The Lord knows my heart, and He knows that I am willing to go when He wants. But there are a lot of young hearts here in Iowa that need encouragement too. 

I met with my Pastor too, to get his counsel about the future. He told me it’s clear God has given me a joy in teaching, so that’s what I should invest in doing. That helped rule out going back to school. I haven’t given up studying counseling. I have discovered there are different ways I can study to get a certification in Biblical counseling that don’t entail going back to school full time. 

Literally 5 minutes after I got home from talking with my pastor, I received a call from the school I was subbing at asking if I would be a full-time Spanish teacher there next fall. I laughed out loud! God was making His direction clear. 

As you can probably guess by now, I have decided to stay in Iowa and become a full time Spanish teacher. I couldn’t be happier! God has done this, has brought this about in the life He has given me, and I am looking forward to this next chapter. 

 O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.

The young lions lack food and suffer hunger, but they who seek (inquire of and require) the Lord [by right of their need and on the authority of His Word], none of them shall lack any beneficial thing.

Psalm 34:9-10

Stage : Intermission

Two weeks. I have been in the US for two weeks now. Can that even be possible? It seems like an eternity ago that I left Cuenca, but changing cultures can have that effect. 

My last few weeks in Cuenca were...well somewhat dramatic. God has definitely been shaping my character through friendships and ministry there, and though sometimes I found myself in quite perplexing situations, I would not change any of it. I saw more of my sinful heart in my responses, but I was once again astounded by the grace my Father would show to me. 

The last week I was able to spend time with people, but not as much as I would have liked. I will get to that in a second, but I do want to share a praise. I was able to have one last long visit with my friend Mercy ( an Ecuadorian friend I had been studying the Bible with). We did have a good conversation about salvation. She understands what it is, and she knows she doesn’t have it. Selfishly I would have liked to see her trust Christ before I left, but I am thankful for the opportunity God gave me, and I hope and pray she will bow the knee shortly. 

I was also able to share my testimony with two co-workers. I don’t know how open their hearts were, but they listened, and for that I am thankful too. 

Then, four days before I was to leave, I got sick. Whatever it was, this sickness was a pretty nasty virus. I lost all energy. I tried to continue to see people, but it wasn’t working very well. I went home early one night to sleep, only to wake up with terrible chills, and then a fever, and then… the worst part. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and fainted-probably from dehydration. As I fell, I managed to hit my head on something, which then caused my head to start bleeding. I didn’t have a car, and I didn’t have any minutes left on my phone because I had cancelled my plan, so it actually took a while for a friend to come and pick me up to take me to the hospital. Praise God the cut wasn’t too deep, and I didn’t even need stitches. The ER in Cuenca is actually pretty nice, although they gave me an injection of something that I never quite figured out what it was...needless to say, I slept the rest of the day, and a good portion of the next day.  I had to rest because I had my going away party coming up.

My friend Andres found it necessary to take a pic at the ER

I must say that Ecuadorians know how to give going away parties. They invite as many people as they can, and they have some silly games, and then music of course- they serenade you with  songs.Serenading is by far one of my favorite things about their culture. And then you just spend time talking and reminiscing with friends. 

 My friend Mercy 

Matt, Julia, and I at the going away party 

Before I knew it, the time had come for me to board the plane. I knew that’s what God wanted, but there was a part of my heart wondering when and if I would be coming back. 

Goodbyes at the airport 

My Ecuadorian brothers I've known since I was a kid

When I got back to Iowa, I slept A LOT. The mix of being sick physically and the emotional stress of leaving...wore me out.  My family and friends were patient and understanding with me as I started to readjust. My culture shock hits me when I come back to the US. 

The last two weeks I have been able to rest and to see the dear family and friends God has blessed me with, but as I see people, an obvious question is “What’s next?”

In a week or two I will do some subbing at a local Christian school for Spanish. Then, God placed it on my heart to study, and that is what I am seeking out right now. However, it’s harder than I thought. Why? Well, a lot of change has happened in my life as of late, and I am having a hard time processing everything. I am incredibly thankful for the time God gave me in Cuenca, but it didn’t turn out how I thought. It didn’t turn out how I thought because...well I am home already. I was so excited and hopeful for my time in Ecuador, and thought it might be something permanent. God showed me differently. I am in the process of learning to trust His hand. 

Because things turned out differently, I realized there’s a part of my heart that is hesitant to get excited or hopeful about the future. The unknown tends to, well, for lack of a better term, freak me out. 

Then the Lord challenged me in my time with Him- is my heart to be set on this world? The answer is a resounding NO. My hope is to be in HIM, in the joy that I get to walk with Him now through this life and motivated by the hope that one day I get to be with Him face to face when this life has faded. I just wish I was better at remembering that instead of just agreeing with that.

What’s next? I can’t tell you exactly because I don’t even know exactly. God is showing me that’s ok. He’s still on His throne, and as long as I spend time daily sitting at His feet, I will be ok with that too. 

Jerusalem—the mountains surround her.

And the Lord surrounds His people,

both now and forever.

Psalm 125:2

The Shepherd's Leading

“As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me…” Gen.24:27

My pastor posted this verse today, and over the past year this verse has become reality in my life. 

A year ago I was contemplating and praying through the decision to come to Ecuador. I was scared because I had never made such a big decision in my life, but God was faithful and patient with me- He constantly put confirmations in my path to let me know He wanted me in Ecuador. 

When the time to leave came, I was truly thrilled. I felt so privileged that God had called me back to Ecuador, the place where He started to form my heart for Him years ago. I looked forward to the opportunities God had awaiting me. I was clueless to what life would look like, but the Lord had led me, so I followed.

That was over 8 months ago… so much has happened and changed; I don’t quite feel like the same person. I am thankful for the godly family and church God placed me in back home, but when I ventured out on my own, I was tested in ways I never saw coming. Loneliness wasn’t the main factor, although that was a struggle at times, but learning to rely on the Lord without that support drew me closer to God in a way I can’t express. My prayers became more transparent  and messy than ever, as I was faced with many new and complicated situations. I learned a messy and confused heart was not wrong as long as I was taking that before the Lord. I didn’t always get clarity right away, but I learned to rest in my Father's presence in the midst of the chaos.

I had all these ideas in my head of how God might want to use me here, whether that was with at teaching ministry or church ministry. I was able to serve in both venues, but maybe not as big of a role that I was picturing. Often my time was divided between ministry and teaching, which was frustrating to me ; it’s possible that God could want me in full time ministry someday, or He was just allowing that struggle to see if I would be faithful where He placed me.  Now, when I feel like I am just starting to get the swing of things, God has called me to return home. Why? Specifically I can’t tell you why (last post explains how I came to the decision to move home). By God’s grace I don’t doubt that is what He wants me to do, but at first I must admit my heart was crushed. God has guided and opened up so many doors for me to come here. I love Ecuador with all my heart, and I thought I saw so many possibilities for the future. I thought my time here would be longer, and to be honest , in my heart I purposed I would live here on a permanent basis if that’s what God wanted- there was definitely part of me that wanted that to be true. 

Yet at the age of 23 I am just scratching the surface of knowing what it means to follow God. I think He purposefully gives me situations that are complex and befuddling so I learn to trust Him and not my own judgment -which is a great sanctification process in my life as I tend to struggle with perfectionism and relying on my own understanding.  

In a little less than a month, I will be back in Iowa to start the new chapter God has for me. Will I ever come back to Ecuador on a permanent basis? Although my heart is sincerely open to that, I don’t have a clue. Making plans is wise and even Biblical, but I am learning at the end of the day, my hope has to be in God, not the plan. He knows my heart, and through the heartache and mystery of it all, I trust He will work in ways far better than I could imagine. 

20 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— 21 to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

The Unexpected

“The more you follow and trust God, the more your life seems to fall apart.” That was a thought from a message my mom had me listen to from Tim Keller the other week. Oh how that feels true in my life right now. 

 I haven’t written for a while...God has been at work, but I knew until a decision was made I couldn’t write honestly about what was going on in Ecuador. Now the time has come to share what God has been teaching me. 

Back in November I shared how my friend Julia had to return to Northern Ireland for medical reasons. The day she left was hard, but it was through praying through everything that occurred that God challenged my heart with this thought: “Would you go home if I asked you to?” I had to come to grips with the truth that God has every right to change my path in life, whether I understand it or not. I prayed that God would give me a soft heart for what He wanted.

Well then life got busy with Thanksgiving and work and Christmas-which was a huge blessing by the way. Having my sister and friend Rosina here was such a gift! It was during their time here that God challenged my heart once again. 

I had to go to Quito to pick them up, and during this time I had some very good talks with my dear friend and sister-in-Christ Cris. She had expressed to me a desire about studying this year. Through this conversation God started to bring things to light that I had seen only hints off over the years. 

One of the things I have always enjoyed about teaching has been the counseling/discipleship aspect. However, this past year was the first year that I had a secular teaching job. Though God gave different ways to share the Gospel, I greatly missed the ministry of teaching I once knew. I would pray about that when the Lord brought it to mind, and these past 7 months I have seen how the Lord has increased my desire to serve in a more full-time ministry capacity. I had certain ideas of how that might take fruition, but God did not give any clarity for a while. 

When I had that conversation with Cris, the Spirit brought it to the forefront of my mind to study again, specifically in the area of Biblical counseling. Yet at first, I didn’t even really want to pray about it. The timing didn’t make sense to me, and I didn’t want to leave Ecuador, but God continued to prod my heart. 

My sister Liz and I had some good conversations too, and she also shares the desire to study Biblical counseling. I was thankful she was here to talk through a lot of things that were happening in life-God’s timing truly is perfect. 

Then, after Liz left, the time came to go back to work. However, things again took an unexpected twist. Because of some decisions the school made, attendance went down 40% while more teachers had been hired for the cycle. Needless to say, everyone was low on the hours they had for work. I wondered if God was using this to give me some more direction. 

As I started to pray more specifically about the future, a school from back home emailed me about my future plans to see if I would be available to help sub long term later in the spring (no specific information to add to that at present). The fact that the school  sought me out definitely caught my attention. I also talked to my current boss, and she made it clear that she was ok if I left the school sooner than planned. I started to see that God was changing the path I thought I was on...and it was not an easy thing for me to come to terms with. 

Let’s just say I have had a lot of tearful prayers as of late, but I have also been trying to spend a good amount of time in God’s word.  Here's a verse that struck my heart as I was praying. Its from Matthew chapter 19 discussing the parable of the vineyard workers. "Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?" It's one of those times you kind of put your hand over your mouth.

Through other passages God continued to direct, to show me where He wanted me. I saw His leading, I just didn’t understand it.

To keep from writing an extremely long post, I will get to the point (as you can probably guess). 

I am coming home.

The idea is to come home and work to save some money, and then Lord willing study in the fall to get a masters in Biblical counseling. When will this happen? Pretty soon actually. I leave Ecuador March 19.

Oh how it stings to say those words. 

I don’t doubt God’s leading, but I must say it’s hard to follow. A huge part of my heart doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time, I want my life to fully be the Lord’s. 

I had to share with people here this past week that I am leaving...it’s been a rough a week. A sad heart is not a sin, although I don’t want to stay sad. There is a part of me that looks forward to what God has in store, but right now my heart is heavy. I love the people and culture here so much...why God is orchestrating things in this way, I have no idea, but He is good. 

I have more I could write, but I think I will save that for another day. 

I would appreciate your prayers as I walk through all of these changes. 

For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is trustworthy. 

Psalms 33:4