“The more you follow and trust God, the more your life seems to fall apart.” That was a thought from a message my mom had me listen to from Tim Keller the other week. Oh how that feels true in my life right now.
I haven’t written for a while...God has been at work, but I knew until a decision was made I couldn’t write honestly about what was going on in Ecuador. Now the time has come to share what God has been teaching me.
Back in November I shared how my friend Julia had to return to Northern Ireland for medical reasons. The day she left was hard, but it was through praying through everything that occurred that God challenged my heart with this thought: “Would you go home if I asked you to?” I had to come to grips with the truth that God has every right to change my path in life, whether I understand it or not. I prayed that God would give me a soft heart for what He wanted.
Well then life got busy with Thanksgiving and work and Christmas-which was a huge blessing by the way. Having my sister and friend Rosina here was such a gift! It was during their time here that God challenged my heart once again.
I had to go to Quito to pick them up, and during this time I had some very good talks with my dear friend and sister-in-Christ Cris. She had expressed to me a desire about studying this year. Through this conversation God started to bring things to light that I had seen only hints off over the years.
One of the things I have always enjoyed about teaching has been the counseling/discipleship aspect. However, this past year was the first year that I had a secular teaching job. Though God gave different ways to share the Gospel, I greatly missed the ministry of teaching I once knew. I would pray about that when the Lord brought it to mind, and these past 7 months I have seen how the Lord has increased my desire to serve in a more full-time ministry capacity. I had certain ideas of how that might take fruition, but God did not give any clarity for a while.
When I had that conversation with Cris, the Spirit brought it to the forefront of my mind to study again, specifically in the area of Biblical counseling. Yet at first, I didn’t even really want to pray about it. The timing didn’t make sense to me, and I didn’t want to leave Ecuador, but God continued to prod my heart.
My sister Liz and I had some good conversations too, and she also shares the desire to study Biblical counseling. I was thankful she was here to talk through a lot of things that were happening in life-God’s timing truly is perfect.
Then, after Liz left, the time came to go back to work. However, things again took an unexpected twist. Because of some decisions the school made, attendance went down 40% while more teachers had been hired for the cycle. Needless to say, everyone was low on the hours they had for work. I wondered if God was using this to give me some more direction.
As I started to pray more specifically about the future, a school from back home emailed me about my future plans to see if I would be available to help sub long term later in the spring (no specific information to add to that at present). The fact that the school sought me out definitely caught my attention. I also talked to my current boss, and she made it clear that she was ok if I left the school sooner than planned. I started to see that God was changing the path I thought I was on...and it was not an easy thing for me to come to terms with.
Let’s just say I have had a lot of tearful prayers as of late, but I have also been trying to spend a good amount of time in God’s word. Here's a verse that struck my heart as I was praying. Its from Matthew chapter 19 discussing the parable of the vineyard workers. "Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me?" It's one of those times you kind of put your hand over your mouth.
Through other passages God continued to direct, to show me where He wanted me. I saw His leading, I just didn’t understand it.
To keep from writing an extremely long post, I will get to the point (as you can probably guess).
I am coming home.
The idea is to come home and work to save some money, and then Lord willing study in the fall to get a masters in Biblical counseling. When will this happen? Pretty soon actually. I leave Ecuador March 19.
Oh how it stings to say those words.
I don’t doubt God’s leading, but I must say it’s hard to follow. A huge part of my heart doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time, I want my life to fully be the Lord’s.
I had to share with people here this past week that I am leaving...it’s been a rough a week. A sad heart is not a sin, although I don’t want to stay sad. There is a part of me that looks forward to what God has in store, but right now my heart is heavy. I love the people and culture here so much...why God is orchestrating things in this way, I have no idea, but He is good.
I have more I could write, but I think I will save that for another day.
I would appreciate your prayers as I walk through all of these changes.
For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is trustworthy.
Psalms 33:4
