That They May Know

About 15 months ago I was reading through the book of Ezekiel as I was spending time in Quito. In  the book, a phrase  is repeated over and over again that truly resonated with me.

That they may know that I am the LORD.

It  was in this time God really started to plant the desire to return to Ecuador. He made it evident to me in so many ways that this was His work, His plan. I guess I never really understood or considered the challenges ( although Im sure I probably said something to the effect of “I’m sure there will be hard days,” before I left). 

Work started this week. Time and patience are always required when adjusting to a new job. I just tend to forget that . It’s the beginning of day four, and I’ve definitely had a roller coaster of a week. During the week, I have one adult class and two kids class. The kids classes brighten my day and make me hope that I have the privilege of being a mom someday. I am done teaching by 5:30 during the week, which is a blessing (and then a Sat. morning class). As I start to learn the ropes of my job, I end up spending a lot of time on my own. I have definitely had many moments were I feel like a loner. I don’t know many of my coworkers yet, so most of my conversations during the day are pretty superficial. By the end of the day, I have spent a lot of time with people but not necessarily talking to anyone, and then I come home to a quiet apartment (still not sure what God wants to do with my living situation). When I spend a good amount of time by myself, discouragement can easily come. I remember going on walks sometimes with my sister Liz, and she could always tell when I hadn't  been spending enough time with people. She would look at me and just say “Hannah, you are spending way too much time by yourself. Snap out of it!” I would get a little frustrated with that, but now I really miss those walks.  

What is it that I find so challenging? Well for starters, I don’t know anyone very well. That’s always part of a new job. Thankfully I think there are a couple of girls that are believers at school, so I am hoping to get to know them better. Also, I am use to working in Christian environments. Besides a daycare job my freshman year in college, I realized that all of my other jobs have always been founded or run by Christians. I am in a whole new ball game now. The last couple of months I have been able to help and spend a lot of time with people at church, but now that will not be as frequent- that’s hard for me as well. I have definitely had moments the last couple of weeks were I wished I could be in full time ministry helping out at the church. Maybe God will use that desire in the future and ,although that’s not a wrong to want to serve in the church, that is not where God has called me full-time right now. I think I miss having people along side of me living for the same mission, to know God and make much of Him.

 Those are all the thoughts that have been swimming in my mind, but here are the truths. 

God has called me here. Last fall we had a missions conference at my church, and when  the wife of a  young missionary couple (that I respect deeply) was asked what was one thing people entering into missions should know she said, “Make sure you are called.” I understand that better now. Hardships and trials will always come, and sometimes my only anchor for being here is knowing that God has called me. I am not an official missionary, but God has clearly given me a mission field. Building friendships and relationships with people will definitely take time, along with understanding my job. However, there are so many lost people at work. I need to spend more time thinking and praying for them than focusing on myself. That’s where Satan likes to get me, focusing too much on how I feel or what I think. That’s what I need God’s word is for, to fend and defend  against the enemy’s lies and the selfishness of my own heart.

 I will also have to be proactive in getting to know people- this will take work. I will have to make that a priority, because only seeing teachers in-between classes will not build a very good friendship.

Before I left Iowa, I remember that one of reasons God laid on my heart for coming to Cuenca  was so that I would get out of my Christian bubbles. I don’t want to hide or just do what is comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I need Christian friends, and God has blessed me in that area. However, the main focus of my time can not be spent with them. What is the right balance between my mission field and church/Christian fellowship? To be honest, I am not sure. I am new at a lot of this, and I can get overwhelmed or scared. Those moments only come though when I am  focusing too much on my present circumstances and not on the Gospel. God is still my Greater Father, and He is still with me every step of the way. He has planned all my steps and my stops as well (George Muller paraphrase). He is putting all of this situations and challenges in my life so that I may Know He is the LORD.